Eye contact, body language, and inner stillness can be the key to making overwhelmed employees feel supported. by Lisa Zigarmi and Stella Grizont

When Alex walked into my office and said she was overwhelmed, I thought: OK, she needs my help. She needs answers. I listened, asked a few clarifying questions, and then did what I’ve been trained to do—flx it. I grabbed a pen, broke the problem into parts, and oflered strategies: delegating more, calendar blocking, prioritization. I could see she was struggling, and I wanted to be useful.

But something in her eyes changed as I spoke—like she was drifting further away, not closer. I thought I was being helpful, but she left the conversation looking more burdened than when she walked in. It didn’t occur to me until later that what she needed wasn’t my strategy—it was my presence. She needed to feel felt, not flxed.

This is the story of a leader we coached—someone earnestly trying to support an overwhelmed team member, only to discover that what was needed wasn’t expertise or efficiency, but attunement. As leadership coaches and psychologists, we’ve found that attunement can be a profound way for leaders to support their employees. But too few are aware of what it is, why and when it can be beneficial, and how to successfully practice it.

What Is Attunement?

Unlike traditional leadership responses—offering advice, jumping to solutions, or minimizing feelings—attunement is about being with another person instead of trying to fix them or the situation.

Attunement is the art of full-body, non-judgmental presence. It’s when a leader deeply notices, actively listens, and signals to an employee: I see you. I understand you. You are safe here. Leaders who attune don’t try to change emotions—they acknowledge them.

With attunement, leaders use their presence—eye contact, body language, and inner stillness—to convey support. Research shows that this kind of social support can dramatically shift how people perceive stressful situations. In fact, the act of attunement before taking next steps can make future solutions more effective. Simply feeling seen can move employees out of a survival response and into a state of connection, clarity, and commitment.

Attunement is not soft. It is not passive. It is not a luxury. It is a fast and powerful leadership skill in times of overwhelm and overwork.

Why Is Attunement Important Now?

Employees are stressed. According to Gallup’s workforce indicators on employee well-being from February 2025, 52% of U.S. workers report feeling a lot of stress, 44% report feeling a lot of worry, 24% report feeling a lot of sadness, and 22% report feeling a lot of anger.

You’re not a therapist, of course, but as a leader you cannot afford to ignore your employee’s feelings. Negative emotions dramatically

impact productivity and performance, so how you respond to someone’s frustration, worry, or overwhelm matters more than you think. When employees perceive that their leaders care about their emotional well- being, they are more engaged and happier. In fact, they are more

likely to endorse their organization, perform at a high level, remain with the company, apply discretionary effort, and engage in citizenship behaviors.

In our experience, when leaders attune, they’re often surprised by the results—reporting deeper connection and reduced reactivity. Resistance gives way to possibility. Isolation transforms into a sense of belonging. What’s most striking is how minimal the effort can feel on the leader’s part, yet the shift in the employee is both real and lasting.

One senior leader we worked with faced a difficult moment during a merger. An employee, visibly anxious, voiced his fear about losing his job. The leader couldn’t offer guarantees—but instead of rushing to reassure him or outline next steps, she attuned. She acknowledged his fear, listened without interrupting, and allowed the silence to stand. She stayed grounded and present. That moment of calm recognition didn’t solve the uncertainty, but it changed how he felt in it. He later described feeling more supported and less alone—enough to stay engaged and focused in the weeks that followed.

Why Do Leaders Struggle with Attunement?

If attunement is free and universally accessible, why don’t more leaders practice it? Several factors get in the way:

1. Lack of modeling. Many leaders have never experienced deep, non- judgmental listening from authority figures, so they don’t naturally offer it to others. In addition, schools rarely teach listening, let alone emotional presence.
2. Problem-solving instinct. Leaders are trained to fix problems, not sit with discomfort. Yet, employees often need support before they need solutions.
3. Time scarcity. Some leaders believe attunement is a distraction from work getting done. (In reality, it facilitates work by dissolving emotional resistance, increasing interpersonal trust, and unlocking productivity.)
4. Leader burnout. Leaders can’t attune to others if they’re trapped in their own chronic stress responses. Unrelenting workloads and personal histories of trauma can keep them in fight, flight, or freeze modes, making it difficult to hold space for someone else’s emotions.

Digital communication. Slack, email, and text strip away the somatic cues that make attunement natural. Presence is harder to convey through words.

In addition, leaders may not know when to attune. We’ve found that the ideal time is during a one-on-one conversation when you sense that someone is emotionally flooded—overwhelmed by frustration, sadness, anger, or anxiety—or, conversely, when they appear emotionally flat, numb, or checked out. Often, your body will know something isn’t quite right before your mind discerns what’s going on. Your body may experience a sense of disturbance or tension. You may notice a palpable distance between you and the other person—as if you’re in two different worlds. This is the time to offer your full presence.

Avoid trying to attune over text, email, or Slack—in-person or video are best. The nervous system relies on real-time, embodied cues—facial expression, voice tone, posture, breathing—to co-regulate. Without that data, attempts at emotional connection can easily misfire.

And remember, not every conversation requires attunement. If an employee is seeking tactical input, a plan, or feedback related to a practical task, you should stay solution-oriented.

The Five Steps to Attunement

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The good news is that attunement is a leadership skill any leader can learn and apply when appropriate. It starts with these five steps:

1. Set the intention.

Attunement begins with a decision: I am here to listen, not to judge or flx. Set aside your inclination to critique, advise, plan, or rescue. Ready yourself to be with the employee, not do anything for them.

• Tell yourself: I will create a space where they feel safe.
• Say: I’m here with you. You’re not alone in this. I want to listen and understand. Tell me what’s going on…
• Release yourself from the pressure to have answers. Your presence is enough.

2. Shift into calm.

Your emotional state is contagious. If you’re tense or rushed, employees will sense it. Attunement requires you to be regulated—calm enough to absorb and reflect their experience without reacting.

• Breathe on purpose. Inhale all the way to your diaphragm and slowly exhale or use box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four.
• Remove distractions—put away your phone and close your computer.
• Opt for a walking meeting, which activates both hemispheres of the brain, helping to process stressful emotions. You will still be able to perceive emotional cues—and walking can actually help synchronize your nervous systems.
• Consider delaying the meeting if you’re too distracted or dysregulated. You can say, This is important and I want to be present for you. Can we do this at 3 PM instead?

3. Stay curious.

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment. Enter the conversation with openness, not assumptions. Your job is to understand their experience, not impose your perspective.

‍Ask yourself: What might I learn? How might I be surprised?

• Say: I wonder what’s been hardest for you? Or, Tell me more about what that was like.
• Suspend problem-solving and listen for the emotions underneath their words.

4. Listen with your body.

Attunement isn’t just hearing words—it’s absorbing the full picture. Listen for tone, body language, and unspoken feelings. When employees feel truly heard, their nervous system relaxes, allowing them to metabolize emotions and move forward.

• Nod, maintain soft eye contact, and mirror their emotion subtly.
• Reflect back key phrases: It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because… or, Tell me more.‍
• Avoid phrases like I know exactly how you feel (you don’t) or, Look on the bright side (minimizing).
• Allow for silence.

5. Invite reflection.

As emotions settle, help employees reflect on their experience and next steps. This reinforces their ability to self-regulate and problem-solve.

• Say: It seems like your energy shifted.
• Ask: How do you feel now? Is anything clearer to you now? or What do you think you need most right now?
• Offer a closing statement: Thank you for sharing this with me or, It’s important to me that I learned about your feelings.
• Notice the verbal and nonverbal shifts in the employee, as well as any shifts in your own body, and use it as feedback to you about the power of your attunement.

The Leadership Ripple Effect

When leaders practice attunement, employees don’t just feel heard— they feel anchored. And in a world that’s increasingly chaotic, that’s the difference between disengagement and resilience.

As a leader, your presence alone is powerful. You don’t always need the perfect words. You don’t always need to solve everything. You just need to show up—with an open heart, a calm body, a curious mind, and the willingness to notice.